I am weak.

[II Corinthians 12:9-10]

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

On my blog, I like to post about the good things happening in my life. Opening up about the lows has never something I've been a fan of, but vulnerability is good every once in a while, yes? With that being said, it has been a really tough past two weeks, friends.

Before I go into what's been going on, let me give you a little bit of background of how things have led up to until now: 

I have suffered with multiple chronic illnesses for many years now. In the past 5 years things have gotten so severe that it caused me to basically be on bedrest for months at a time, therefore causing me to drop out of school. This led to way too much time to myself to think. To put it lightly, 'rock bottom' was my resting place for a long time. But through it all, and still to this day, I believe that, yes, I lost SO many things and any hint of normalcy in my life, but I gained one thing; Jesus. I had lost almost everything, but I gained Jesus. Pretty neat, huh? 

A life of pain was all I knew, so much that I couldnt remember what it was to feel 'normal' anymore. That was until about a year ago. Through the work of a steroid injection in the back of my head, essential oils, and God providence, I suddenly felt better than I had in years. I remember I woke up one morning crying thinking, 'Is this what normal people feel like?' Jesus was good to me. I was able to volunteer my time for more things, give more effort in my job, give more of myself in my friendships and relationships, and do the things that made me happy. I mean, I still had a few bad days here and there, but they were miniscule compared to what I had lived with my entire life beforehand. My immune system was also pretty shot because of being sick and stuck in my bed for so long, so I managed to catch every cold or flu bug I came in contact with, but again, that was all so small compared to what I lived with before. 

Because I was feeling so great, I began to give up even more of my time and energy. I accepted a second job, started pouring more of myself into worship leading, and became involved with the Sunday school program at church. My neurologist and other specialists didn't feel the need to see me anymore because I was doing so good. In a sense, I thought I was somewhat super human; I mean, I really did feel like Superman sometimes because it was just unreal to me that I was doing some of the things I was doing. Just 2 years ago I couldn't sit up in bed without passing out, and currently I was spending an hour and a half at the gym every night. UNREAL. It was just more proof of God's mercy in my life.

And then, as I have told a few friends, life kind of just took a crap on me. About two weeks ago, I woke up to a complete nightmare. It was like the past year had never even happened. I was weak, my head felt like it weighed a good 500 pounds, I could hardly even form a sentence. It was back. Everything was back. 

I spent the first couple days furious with God. I mean, seriously? Why now? Why this? Did I do something wrong? I was (and still am) grieving for my health. It was then that something pierced my heart. I lead and/or participate in multiple worship sets throughout the week. One of them being on Friday mornings from 9:30-10:30. In this set I do things a little differently- I only plan on doing one song for the whole hour and then ask the Lord for a passage to sing from. Part of what I do is singing my prayers. Whatever the Lord places on my heart, I sing. Sometimes it doesn't make sense, sometimes I have no idea why the Lord has me sing certain things, but it's just kind of a whatever, go with the flow kind of thing. Anyhoo, for the past month and a half, the Lord has continued to give me the same thing each week. Psalm 69. And each week, I've been given the same phrase. 

"The water is rising, and I am sinking. But You are still God, and You are still good, even now."

The first few weeks I was kind of just like, "What the heck? This has nothing to do with me. My life is going great." But the Lord continued to press that passage and this phrase onto my heart. 

And that's what hit me. I think the Lord was preparing me what what was to come. I since have spent hours sobbing, singing that phrase. My heart is completely wrecked. But He is still good to me. So good.

This past Sunday I went to church with a friend. We went to the new Embrace Church Summit Campus up in Sioux Falls. I expected it to be a good service, whatever. But oh, little did I know that Jesus had something big planned for my heart. The service started off with some awesome worship. The first thing that stuck out to me was in one of the songs. I don't quite remember all of the correct wording, but it went something like this: "In the depths, and in my darkest times, I will still choose You, Jesus." WHAT. So good. Then, the sermon started. Friends, I have never been more convicted in my life. The title was 'I am weak.' Passage was from II Corinthians (see above). Basically, we talked about how even though we're weak, before the Lord we are made strong. And it's not about our abilities or our own strength, but it's about Jesus.

Friends, God healed me a year ago. He was and is still SO good to me. But I am not a robot. I can't do it all. I was in the state of mind that because I felt good, I needed to do EVERYTHING. It was all about my own strength. It wasn't about Him anymore, it was about me; my abilities. And I can't believe it took THIS to make me humble myself. I will GLADLY boast in my weakness, because in Him, I am strong.

I don't know what this means for me. I don't know if this means that I'm 'sick' again, or if this was just a really horrible, random flare up. I have spent hours crying on the phone with my neurologist and her assistant trying to figure out what to do. My head is spinning as I try and process this all. I am sad and I am beyond overwhelmed, but there is a part of me that's at peace. Jesus is FOR ME in this. I am weak, but in Him I am strong. 

Alright, so, I am asking for continued prayers as we sit and wait this out. Is it back for good? Is this just a flare up? What is the Lord going to reveal to me through this? What does this mean for my jobs and the crazy busy lifestyle I was living?

Thanks, friends. And thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and share my sorrow. 

[Psalm 71:14]

As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise You more and more.

xoxo,

gp

Why I Stopped.

Yo. Okay, guys. Time to answer the question I've been getting asked for over a year now.

"Did you stop posting cover songs? Why???"

Okay, here's why.

Here's the thing. It didn't make me happy anymore. When I started, it was just fun for me. It gave me something to do when I got sick. It gave me something to focus on. But I began to post for the wrong reasons- for my own glory. And I would freak out if I didn't get enough views or 'likes' or whatever. And that was really crappy of me.

That then, brings up another question.

"Have you just stopped singing altogether?!"

Uhm NO! Why would I? Honestly, I've been blessed with a pretty awesome gift and I'm not just going to stop using it. I'm a worship leader here in Sioux Center at the HOME building. I have a few live sets of my own throughout the week, and a couple that I do with some other really legit people. It's really great. I'm no longer singing for the approval of others or to glorify myself. I'm singing for An Audience of One.

Next question:

"Oh. So, you only sing Christian songs?"

El OH EL. Not always. When I'm worship leading, yes. I don't think I can really worship Jesus while singing anything by John Meyer... But when I'm at home, I'm not gonna lie; I like to play around on the piano with some Tom Petty or Coldplay. What's wrong with that?


Alright, so with all of those questions answered, I guess this leaves me with this...

I was playing around today with an Ed Sheeran song I'm loving right now, and it made me feel like when I first started posting covers. And I figured everyone's been waiting close to two whole years for this, might as well give ya'll a little something. SURPRISE! This will more than likely be the last one I post, so here you go; for old time's sake.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJdivzNEpKs


xoxo,
gp


PS- If you're interested in the HOME building and when there are scheduled sets, here's the link to their website.

Christmas in Cleveland 2o14

Hey all! Holy smokes. We've been home for a week now! I figured I should probably get this blog post up. So, Ohio was a stinkin' blast. We did a crazy lot of different things and it was so much fun! We spent a lot of nights at my uncle's local bar- it's kind of like on my favorite show 'Friends', and their local coffee shop, Central Perk. Everyone's just always there and no one else really has anything better to do. It's great. 

This was also the first time I've flown since I was 3 years old, so I didn't really remember what was like. It was uh.. interesting.. to say the least. 

Anyway, here are a few pictures to recap our trip~

We flew out at 6 am, so we got to see the sunrise above the clouds. It was breathtaking.

We spent one day at the theatre. Fun fact about Cleveland's theatre district: it is the second largest theater district in the world; right behind New York.

 We saw the classic "A Christmas Carol". It's been running for 26 years now!

We spent another day at the Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage.

I have always had a fascination with the Jewish religion and WWII, and I am going to Germany next January so this was really neat for me to see. The museum just so happened to have a feature on World War II and all it entailed. My heart broke as I walked through and saw all of evil and pain that these people experienced. The picture above is all of the hate groups currently in the US. The groups are as following: Black Separatist, Christian Identity, Ku Klux Klan, Neo-Confederate, Neo-Nazi, Racist Skinhead, and other. That is in OUR country still TODAY, folks. Oh, how this world needs the Lord. Come, Jesus, come!

Christmastime in Cleveland is nothing short of a dream. Everything is decked out in lights and it's all sorts of wonderful. 

So, like I said, they take Christmas seriously in the C L E. This is my uncle's living room. Pictures really don't do it justice.. it was phenomenal. 

How could I resist playing with the focus on my camera when there was this many pretty lights?!

He's really into wine so there was a whole section for that.

GIANT GRAPES HANGING FROM THE CEILING. Seriously, folks. I've never seen anything like this.

We went and saw our extended family, too. I hadn't met little Aubrey Jane yet, so it was really exciting! 

She was a dream.

This dog. Too funny.

Here's the little nugget. Love her so much!

Aubs and her daddy having a little convo. So stinkin' sweet.

HA! Caught ya. Everybody, meet uncle Vern. He's pretty neat.

We opened gifts on Christmas Eve.

This is Ma. My uncle is known for always having gifts wrapped really well, and this was the worst we've ever seen. Therefore, we HAD to document it.

This is Oliver, one of Vern's two cats. We got them a new toy! Charlie is not pictured because he is stubborn and refused to come near me.

I collect spoons, so Vern got me this wind-chime. I love it!

Ah, the gingerbread airstream. Two of our favorite things in the world. Supah cute. 

And one last picture with little Ollie. 

I truly left a piece of my heart out in Ohio and I cannot wait to go back.

xoxo,

gp

A Very Post Christmas

IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!

Christmas is my all-time favorite season throughout the whole year. I start getting Christmas decorations out late September and they stay up until I'm forced to take them down. I love all things warm, cozy, and pretty. I love twinkly lights and I love snow. I love giving gifts. I like to think of gifts that aren't really on their wish list. I pride myself in being able to really see someone's heart, so I try to put that into the gift I give away.

This is our first Christmas in our new house, in our new season of life, and we're so excited! The presents are piling up. The cats are climbing the tree. Hot chocolate is being made on a regular basis. We are creating new normals and new traditions for our family, as well as bringing back a few old traditions. Here's a little looksy into my heart and into my home. 

Our main Christmas tree. We've had so much fun with this one!

In our home, we love birds and old postcards. Wha-la!

This is a key holder made from an old wooden Coca-Cola box and has been donned in sassy white owls and pretty greenery. Love. 

Found this at Junkstock this past October. I don't know if it's a reindeer or just a deer. Oops.

This is our gingerbread tree. It's full of fun, happiness, and candy. We've done this tree for as long as I can remember!

Again; birds, gifts, happiness. 

We even treated ourselves to new stockings this year. Hooray!

We found this nativity in Ohio this past summer. We had been looking at nativities for years and could just never find the right one. But alas, in a giant year-round Christmas store, this became ours. 

Thanks for reading folks. Hope you enjoyed!

xoxo,
gp

psalm 46, healing, & God's sense of humor

Hey friends! I haven't posted in a while so i figured I should probably catch everyone up on what's been going on.

Life has been CRAZY busy! Seriously, like holy buckets.
And I have been letting every second of it eat away at me.
Anything from trying to get all the addresses I need to send our Christmas cards (mind you, I've had them since before thanksgiving and haven't sent them all out yet), to making sure I have warm enough socks on for the day (I usually wear up to 4 pairs to stay warm enough). Maybe it's just the Holiday hustle and bustle getting to me, but boy, it's exhausting.

Last night I was having a hard time getting to sleep, so I resorted to one of my favorite things. I made myself some tea, sat down in front of my book shelf, pulled out a random book and turned to a random page. And last night's result was nothing short of awesome. I flipped the page and BAM. There it was. From the book of Psalms, chapter 46 verse 10: "Be still and know that I am God."
UHM HEY GOD. Way to hit me right in the feels.
After pulling myself together, I couldn't help but laugh. God is so funny sometimes. I have been so stinkin' busy with trying to get all of my gifts wrapped, getting myself to the gym, to work, having a social life- ALL of it, that I didn't have time to sit myself down and just listen for God's voice. It took me not being able to sleep for me to finally quiet myself enough to basically hear the Lord say, "Graish, stop being being so high strung. That's dumb."
Prettty neat, eh?

In other news, My mum and I leave next week for OHIO. We're going to spend a week out there with my uncle Vern. SO EXCITE.

and OH GOOD GOLLY HOW COULD I FORGET. Health. Guys, get ready for this. I've been trying to wrap my head around this for a month or so now. It's too cool.

After nearly 10 years of being sick, I now have never felt better. I keep pinching myself and asking, "jeez, is this what normal people feel like?"
I FEEL SO GOOD AND I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK.
I mean, other than the fact that my immune system is seriously compromised from being sick so long, therefore I catch absolutely every cold or flu bug that I come in contact with..but eh. That's whatever.

With that being said, can we take a minute to marvel over the fact that after almost a decade of pain, suffering, and just plain hell, that the Lord still provides?! I just cannot wrap my mind around it. My heart is so overwhelmed! I guess I've always believed that Jesus is the Ultimate Healer, and I've always prayed that if it be His will, that He heal me. But after about 10 years, I kind of just figured that I was supposed to be sick, ya know?
But what a plot twist, right? Jesus is so, so good to me!
My heart is forever grateful for His providence.

Okay, I think that catches everyone up for the most part.

Coming soon: a photo album of Christmas in the Post household! and lots of fun ohio pictures.

xoxo,
gp

all about that bass..what?

Okay, I need to rant about this. 

There have been many blog posts circulating lately about the newest single by Meghan Trainor, All About That Bass. It may be one of the catchiest songs I have ever heard in my existence. I admit that I have found myself strutting my stuff and dancing with the broom while sweeping my office when this particular song begins to play.

Here it is for those who haven't heard it before:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

The problem that has been arising is that people are seeing this song as body shaming girls who don't have curves in ‘all the right places’, as the song states, or enough ‘booty’, and so on. I am 100% against body shaming whether it be shaming someone who is pin-thin or lumpy. I hate that she refers to thin folks as skinny bi ..witches. So not cool. And the fact that she brings up that it's what guys want? Ugh don't even get my started on that. I am totally with those who are upset with the nature of this song, but I also am playing devil’s advocate. I, being a bigger girl myself, see another side of this song, too.

I am so sick of hearing all this ‘But you're so pretty! You're not fat!' crap. You know what? I am. I am big girl and I know it. I embrace it. Don't try to tell me I'm not. And just because I’m bigger that most doesn't mean I don’t love myself any less. I LOVE the way I look. I am confident in it. I am proud of it, in fact. I do not need people telling me that I am ‘still pretty anyway’. I am beautiful no matter what my size and my size should not dictate whether I am labeled beautiful. I mean, yeah I could afford to use a few, but I'm not going to sit here and get butt hurt about it. It is incredibly degrading when girls who are already struggling with their size get told that they're STILL beautiful, or that they're pretty ANYWAY. Everyone is beautiful. Period. End of story. No if, ans, buts, stills, or anyways. They just are.

With that being said, part of me was refreshed to actually hear a song cheering on us big girls. In a society that is all about appearances and the need for perfection, it was nice to hear a song that was introducing the idea that perfect doesn't have to be small. Perfect CAN be big and I think that’s what the song was meant to portray. Now, again, seeing the opposite side of things, society’s idea of perfect shouldn't be just big, and it shouldn't just be small. It shouldn't really be anything at all. But reality is, this is the way society works and there is not a darn thing we can do about it except for just accept everything for what it is. You're a big girl with lumps and a cottage cheese butt and all the fun extra skin? Cool. Rock it. Strut it. You're a small boned, fine featured, high metabolismed chick with visible hip bones and collar bones that you can actually see? Great. Own it. You're someone with a little bit of everything mixed around? YOU DO YOU GIRLFRIEND. 

The point is, the song is what it is and I don't think we should go around shaming it for what it is, either. I think we need to step back and look at the big picture. It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, fat, skinny, or in-between; you need to be confident in what you've been given and forget what society says is perfect.  I think we've had our heads stuck up our rears (excuse the expression) for so long that we've forgotten that we are all our own versions of perfect and that’s all we'll ever be. And we need to be satisfied in that. Plain and simple.

End.

Of. 

Rant.

Disclaimer: I still don't understand what she's referring to by 'that bass'. Is it her butt? I don't know this kind of lingo. Typical Gracia.

xoxo,

gp

Them Crazy Indian Juices

Friends. It's been a while. Not much has changed, really.

BUT. I have some pretty exciting news!

Through all of my years of being sick, people had always called us saying 'Oh, I have the perfect cure for you!' or 'This product will heal you!'
It became so constant, we just stopped accepting calls because we decided that it would just be money wasted because it wouldn't work anyway.

Well, this year, we met our deductible in the first week of January. Over the course of 5 or 6 months I was on some really dangerous meds with very dangerous side effects.. they were worth it for a small while, until the bad side effects started to outweigh the bad. So one day, I made the decision that I was going to get off all meds. I just flat out dropped them all. Now, I do not recommend doing this without talking to your doctor first. My mistake. Withdrawal isn't fun.

About a month and a half ago I was getting my hair done and my hairdresser started talking about essential oils. I had heard a little about them before, but hadn't thought much of it, because in my mind it was just another strange 'cure' that was going to get pushed on me and it wouldn't work anyway, right?

After a lot of research and talking with other people, we decided that we've spent more money on on useless drugs that just made me sicker, so why not try it? I mean, it's all natural, could it really do much harm?

With that, I decided on a company, ordered a kit, continued to research it.

This is where the title of this blog entry comes in.. the second I got them, I started using them, defusing them, and trying them on my whole family. It was so much fun! No one really seemed to care, except for my brother. I got a lot of "Get them crazy indian juices away from me!" Typical over-dramatic 16 year old, right?

Let me tell you somethin', folks.

I haven't felt this good in years.

They might not work for everyone, and that's okay. But they work for me. For the first time in 9 years, something has worked. And guess what? No chemicals! The hippie in me is a little too excited over that.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my days where my body is all "not today, girlfriend."
But those days are becoming less and less.

This post isn't to say "oh my goodness you need to buy oils because they are the bee's knees", (well, they really kind of are the bee's knees), but it's to share with you all that they are NOT just crazy indian juices, as Spencer calls them, and that they really can work.

I am so, so very thankful for the Lord's provision and his never ending faithfulness to me. It has been a long road, and the road isn't just going to end, but it's becoming a little easier on me.

Praise God, something works.
Finally.

xoxo,
gp